Highly Sensitive? Keep Your Holiday Sparkle With Feng Shui

“Being highly sensitive is a gift that fosters peace. Help create a kinder, gentler world by embracing it.”
Amy Leigh Mercree

Some holiday stress is expected but if you are particularly sensitive to family gatherings you may be a highly sensitive person. Licensed social worker, Melody Wilding, defines a highly sensitive person as acutely aware of their environment. They notice details and are conscientious to a fault. They agonize over their decisions because they are concerned how it will impact those in their sphere. They have a clear intention to create harmony, yet often it comes at their expense.

Don’t get swept under the table by family stress. Well before guests arrive, please peruse this check list (below) and see if the Feng Shui in your home could be, in part, contributing to your angst. I’ve included adjustments too! Smoothing the Ch’i in our homes helps us hold strong to who we are and enjoy family, friends and festivities with all the trimmings.

A home that is too close to the street (not in balance between the front and the back yards) may create difficulties in all areas of your life, including family. One of the cures for this placement is to hang a wind chime or place a mirror, on the front of the house to deflect the ch’i.

When the corner of a house points at the house next door and if both point at each other, the families may constantly bicker. This can escalate into hostility and possibly a lawsuit. One effective cure is to install a spinning element between the two houses.

A path has an important relationship to the house. If less than the width of the front door, those who live in the house will have difficulty expanding their mind and heart. If there are opportunities they won’t be able to take advantage of them due to feeling inhibited and closed off.

Feng Shui problems in the bedroom will affect the feelings, actions, and speech of the entire family. A round mirror in the bedroom can help eliminate tension and rough talk.

Lack of command position in the bedroom and at the desk and stove affects self image. Someone can feel less than. If that is the case place a plant in the bedroom where the leaves reach upward. This will lift the person out of their circumstances.

If family members are headed in different directions, check the center of the house. Does it appear empty or is there too much going on? A strong center can stabilize a family, holding everyone together. Hang a crystal ball or wind chime in the center of the house.

Doors represent a mouth and an adult’s voice. All doors need to work suitably for our voice is what speaks of our longings and passion. “Arguing Doors” bump up against one another when they open. The bumping creates contention. When they are at the front door conflict may spread throughout the house. Re-hang the door or doors so they do not touch. Or Perform the Arguing Door Cure (red envelopes requested).

“Biting Doors” are misaligned doors. When they are misaligned by one half, may cause verbal and physical fighting. A family member may leave and not come home. Hang a crystal ball between the doors to lift the Ch’i and the hearts of the family.

An “Empty Door” is a door without an actual door. This strongly suggests lack of communication. If an empty door is in the Family gua, there may few loving words or meaningful conversations. Install a door or paint the trim with color.

Many doors in a small space can be “noisy” because all the doors are talking at once. Listening may be difficult at best. Hang a crystal ball or a light fixture with crystals on it in the center to quiet the voices. It will help harmonize the guests at the holidays.

“Piercing Heart Doors” are three or more doors through which you could walk in a straight line. This design is like an invisible obstacle through the house which creates separation between parents, parents and children and between siblings. Over time communication breaks down as each family member is focused on their own desire and achievements. A different color in each room along the path works well to dissolve the obstacle.

A highly sensitive person may be prone to stomach ailments. When a door is at the end of a long hallway there can be digestive upset and distress. A simple comment from family or a friend may having the HSP recoil and demonstrate behavior that is out of proportion to the situation. Place a mirror on the outside of the door.

A dining room too close to the front door may send friends and family out the door. The colors pink, green and blue stimulate the appetite and may invite guests to stay longer for dinner parties. Or hang a crystal ball between the front door and the dining room.

Interested in more design suggestions for the holidays? Savor Thanksgiving Dinner With Six Feng Shui Trimmings. How to mix tinsel and soul and magic: 10 Feng Shui Decorating Ideas That Can Stay Up After The Holidays.

Have you decided this will be your year? “Boldness has genius”…start with one hour of Feng Shui A La Carte. Think of it as a fairy godmother for your house.

What I have discovered about our homes is that creating a heart healthy space leads to peace and contentment. The bedroom is where it begins. Start with my complimentary pdf: 27 Bedroom Concepts To Maximize Your Health, Happiness and Peace of Mind. Design your space to your best advantage. Subscribe to my blog and special offers. You’ll receive this valuable Feng Shui Guide as a thank you gift.

Tuning The Heart Strings Of Your Partnership

“The Heart is a thousand stringed instrument, that can only be tuned with love.”
–Hafiz

Your heart only knows love. But when you are in overwhelm, anxiety or feeling frustration then stress takes over your heart and you lose your sense of connection. It happens so quickly that not only do you stop listening to your heart but also the heart of your partner.

HeartMath Institute’s 19 years of research sheds significant light on how negative thoughts affect your brain and body. During stress “when the heart rhythm pattern is erratic and disordered, neural signals traveling from the heart to the brain affect your ability to think clearly, remember, learn, reason and make effective decisions.” This helps to explain when you act impulsively or make unwise decisions how conflict can arise. In contrast, positive emotions, joy, care and appreciation, create a stable patten and the heart’s input to the brain reinforces positive feelings and emotional stability.

If you find yourself in a constant spiral of negative energy, check for these design features in your home. I have selected common door details as a door symbolizes the mouth and that affects speech, communication and ultimately your heart.

Split at the front entry. One example: if you have a two level home and the stairway is slightly off to one side, one eye sees down a hallway and the other sees the stairs. It can adversely affect everything that is going on in the household as the brain is stimulated unevenly. This creates confusion and an inability to make decisions. Partners can move in opposite directions. An argument can easily get started. To adjust this, hang a crystal ball from the ceiling, directly over the railing post. Or place a plant on the landing, in front of the post.

Biting doors are doors that are slightly out of alignment. You may find them in hallways when two bedrooms are opposite or when a bedroom and bathroom are opposite each other. This design feature triggers conflict, anger and discord. To correct this, place an object on the wall next to the door frame so as to simultaneously draw both eyes to one spot as you exit either door.

Contrary doors open into a wall rather than the large part of a room (it can be any room but most common are front entry and bedroom) everyone in the house may be working hard. They may not be able to complete projects resulting in not enjoying the fruit of their labor. This feature leads to difficulty and relentless disappointment. Fodder for arguing or cold silence between partners. The Feng Shui cure is hang a mirror on the wall that is seen upon opening the door. It expands the space. If there is no room for a mire hang a crisp sounding bell on the door.

Arguing doors bump up against one another when they are opened (either the door knob or the frame). The bumping is like a clash of wills. It is especially detrimental at the front door sending  conflict into the interior of the home, affecting everyone who enters, and it even extends outside the house with whom they interact. The mundane solution is to re-hang the door or doors so that they do not touch. Or perform the Arguing Door Cure (nine red envelope cure).

Piercing Heart doors are three or more doors through which you could walk in a straight line. Together they act like an invisible barrier through a space, which in turn, can create a barrier between partners. The barrier can widen the longer the couple lives in the home. They may not be able to touch the heart of one another. Views become discordant, there may be illness and the family can disintegrate. To change the flow of strong Ch’i hang one or more crystal balls or wind chimes in the center of the rooms between the doors to slow down the energy and break down the invisible wall. Another option is available (nine red envelope cure).

Years ago Berry Kruijning of Crowning Communication shared with me valuable communication advice and I have never forgotten how powerfully effective it was and still is. There are three levels of listening:
Fake listening
Listening for facts
Ask open ended questions, listening for your partner’s feeling and needs. Listen at the heart level. When you are an empathetic listener, you are getting into the other person’s feelings. Be genuinely interested and you will break through the barrier of your conflict.

Relationship expert, Liz Higgins, shares that conscious communication, curiosity and creating a cozy ambience for intimacy (that gets a Feng Shui thumbs up) keeps love alive.

Feng Shui design increases life force and expands positive energy. When you and your partner sync up with the new space you’ve created, you entrain with each other. You also communicate at a higher frequency that helps nourish the intimacy that began as a flutter in your heart.

What could be better than doing something extra for love when you Double Your Happiness With Feng Shui Tips For Everlasting Love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Have you decided this will be your season? “Boldness has genius”…start with one hour of Feng Shui A La Carte. Think of it as a fairy godmother for your house.

What I have discovered about our homes is that creating a heart healthy space leads to peace and contentment. The bedroom is where it begins. Start with my complimentary pdf: 27 Bedroom Concepts To Maximize Your Health, Happiness and Peace of Mind. Design your space to your best advantage. Subscribe to my blog and special offers. You’ll receive this valuable Feng Shui Guide as a thank you gift.

How Emotions Are Decorating Your Space

“An interior is the natural projection of the soul.”
– Coco Chanel

Decorating should be the fun part of moving and home improvement but if everyday something comes up, you feel anxious, some event triggers an unhappy thought and you just can’t get started…your emotions are decorating your space. Here is what Jeanette discovered. Her family decided to move across country so her husband could take a new position and they could be closer to her parents. She had one week to choose a home for her family. The home she fell in love with had vaulted ceilings, a view of the back yard from the front door, a large master suite that stretched from front to back, a three car garage…it was certainly the right neighborhood and the school was perfect for her children. Once they settled into the new house she thought everything would be as before. But the stress of moving never dissipated. A barrier progressively developed between she and her husband. They were silent at the dinner table and he stopped coming home at reasonable hours. Her 13 year old son did not like sleeping in his room. It was so good before the move, what happened? 

Wanting to find the husband she had lost, to help her son stop his nightly wandering and bring some happiness to herself, she called me for help. Jeanette’s story is a powerfully moving scenario and not unlike the stories clients share expressing their profound loss and disbelief over what has happened to the life they once had. She had read several Feng Shui books. She suspected the emotional issues between she and her husband, her son’s distraction and her moodiness were stemming from her home. And she admitted she didn’t feel good being there. When I shared what I saw, my words immediately resonated with her. She had no trouble making a plan and her next step would be decorating using Feng Shui design.

I believe design education goes a long way in creating awareness that our home influences our well-being. With that in mind, I composed this Feng Shui guide to help you make better choices when deciding on your new nest. And if you are already settled in your space, you might recognize one or two design features that may be limiting your freedom and curbing your peace of mind. 

Want a picture? Here is a helpful companion blog on floor plans, “Unraveling Your Home’s Floor Plan With Feng Shui.

 Depletion That Paints You Into A Corner
• A hidden front door is when you cannot see the door from the street. Feelings of isolation can develop over time. What Professor Lin would call “strange chi.” At an office there may be loss of income, feeling frustration, depression and loss of motivation.
• An obstacle (blocking tree, wall, utility pole or column) at the front door can limit opportunities.
• Double doors can create confusion, especially if the door to enter is not marked properly.
• A slanted front door creates a slant on daily interactions that explode into unexpected events related to all areas of life.
• A blocking wall inside the front door can impede the forward movement of everyone in the household. Everyone may struggle with their career. Faith in the future may be lost.
• Front door /back door alignment may possibly create a split through the whole house. The closer the doors the worse this patten is. Parents may feel a barrier between them and lead separate lives. Parents and children lose touch. Money may leak and opportunities dry up. Money, motivation, reputation, health and good luck may fly out the back door.
• A split at the front door can affect all areas of life dramatically. The brain is activated unevenly and the two sides will start to lack coordination. The inhabitant may act more and think less. Or think more and act less. In either situation there is an imbalance. As a result illness along the midline can development. Also confusion and the lack of sound decision making can cost a family their health or business. Non-stop arguing and violence can result with a split at the front door. Extreme marital, family and business interactions can take place here.
• A split stairway (typical of split level homes) aka Mandarin duck stairway creates an environment where everything begins to fall apart; it can even shatter a person’s peace of mind. The different levels affect partners where they are more likely to experience miscommunication or not speak at all; children have difficulty feeling accepted; finances fluctuate wildly. Invariably health is unstable. When it is a company and affects all the employees, the consequences can be disastrous.

 Bad Luck That Colors Your Morale
• Seeing a cemetery, a morgue or a deserted house from your front door may bring illness and sudden expected disasters.
• If your home is at end of a “double T” intersection your luck may dwindle in all areas but in particular health and finances.
• A narrow driveway or path. The opportunity to expand your heart and mind may never happen. And if you see opportunity you won’t be able to grasp it, feeling shut down.
• A toilet over the front door brings bad luck to the entire household or business.
• A stove that is backed up to the toilet that is on the other side of the wall affects your luck to the point it may run out.
• A dead door is a door that is nailed shut or that cannot be opened. This feature may stifle’s one’s voice completely. If the original door has been closed there can be a sudden downturn in fortune or slow loss of resources.

Details That Design Conflict
• Arguing Doors are two doors that when they are open bump up against one another. The clashing is jarring to the senses and disturbs the inhabitants equilibrium. Conflict results. It may run throughout the house.
• Biting Doors are doors that are out of alignment with one another. Visualize walking out of your bedroom and seeing part of a door entry and part of a wall. This design feature creates a split and has the effect of a front door split. Biting doors create discord between parents and parents and children. In a child’s room it can create a bully. You may lose friends and neighbors can turn into enemies. In an office setting there may be gossip, back stabbing and power struggles. Biting doors at the front door are especially detrimental as the conflict and verbal fighting can reach into the neighborhood.
• Piercing Heart Doors are three or more doors which you could walk in a straight line. They create an invisible obstacle through the house which impedes relations between partners, partners and their children and between siblings. Alienation and separation tear the family apart.
• Many doors opening into a small space. I think we all have this one, especially around the bedrooms and bathroom. A door is a “mouth”. This area can be especially noisy because all the voices are trying to speak at once. Listening is difficult and family members may end up quarreling. This design feature is the underpinnings for health issues, particularly the digestive organs.
• Too many doors in relationship to the windows and the adult voice may be too powerful. This ratio may silence the voice of the children. In a business situation management (the adult) may not heart the feedback of employees (the children). There may be a conflict of wills.
• Too few doors in relationship to the windows and the children may create havoc. On the job, employees may strike or rebel.

Architecture That Exhausts All Your Emotional Resources
• A door that is below the level of the street make every movement feel like an uphill climb. Time becomes altered and energy depleted. There is an inability to follow through and complete projects.
• A contrary door is a door that opens to a wall instead of the main part of the room. Everyone who lives in the house may find they are laboring and not enjoying the results of their work. They may feel exhausted and disappointed most of the time.
• If a stove is in line with the front door, family problems may never be resolved. There is constant worry and pressure which can exhaust everyone who lives there.
• If a bedroom is the first room an inhabitant sees when entering the house, they may be too tired to take care of their responsibilities and daily duties.

 Exterior And Interiors That Are Blueprints For Illness
• An industrial park or factory next door may be overwhelming. The distraction and pollution create physical and mental imbalances. Being empty at night they create a yin presence. All of this affects your ability to concentrate, be clear and effective.
• A bathroom in the center of the house or office can depleting all life situations. Poor health can plague every inhabitant year after year, effecting succeeding generations.
• A fireplace in the center of the house can burn up money, create infamy and heat up passion so it is burns outside the house, drying up your creative juices. The flow of your career may come to a drizzle and your inner growth may be non-existent. Your vitality is depleted and your emotional capacity to lift your life to joy is severely restrained.
•A stairway that ends too close to a wall may impede the flow of Ch’i in the building and the bodies of the inhabitants. You may feel blocked physically, emotionally and in your career.

If you want to receive a cure for any one of these design features, I will ask you to honor the red envelope tradition.

Have you decided this will be your year? ”Boldness has genius”…start with one hour of Feng Shui A La Carte. Think of it as a fairy godmother for your house.

What I have discovered about our homes is that creating a heart healthy space leads to peace and contentment. The bedroom is where it begins. Start with my complimentary pdf: 27 Bedroom Concepts To Maximize Your Health, Happiness and Peace of Mind. Design your space to your best advantage. Subscribe to my blog and special offers. You’ll receive this valuable Feng Shui Guide as a thank you gift.

What Matters To The Heart – Six Feng Shui Details To Make Love Last.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye”.
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Oh, your beautiful heart! Crimson repository of your secrets, it knows what feels right and essential to your happiness. It manifests the dreams you aspire; gives you courage to choose what your eyes desire and fervently pursue whom you adore…. But some times your heart becomes entangled and you can’t find the reason to explore. For Love’s sake, I am sharing six Feng Shui design details to clue you in to what may be derailing your heart. These details are known to sidetrack, hijack and waylay this precious organ of affection. Included with each are individual adjustments to keep your heart healthy and free from undue environmental pressure and stress. Because when it comes to love and life, the simple secret is what matters to the heart. 

Piercing heart doors  Three or more doors you could walk through in a straight line. They can create an invisible barrier through the house, which can create a barrier between family members. As it becomes stronger over time, the partners, parents or children become more  and more removed from each other. Hang one or more crystal balls or wind chimes in the center of the rooms between the doors to slow down the ch’i and break down the invisible wall.

Beam over your heart crossing the bed  This feature places pressure on the heart that leads to couples arguing, even over seemingly insignificant details. Move the bed if possible. Or hang nine 40mm crystals (9″, 18″ 27″ from the bottom of the beam) to lift the beam off of the bed. Visualize the crystals lifting the beam.

A knife edge that comes at the bed  Poison arrows are called  “sha ch’i”. This poison arrow may be directed at one of the partners. They in turn may feel criticized and act defensive. Hang a 40mm crystal in increments of nine (9″ 18″ 27″) from the ceiling in front of the offending corner. Visualize the crystal diffusing the negative Ch’i of the arrow.

Stairway in the center of the house  Stairways conduct Ch’i from one level to another. That there is more than one level can mean that life is more complicated; maybe more ups and downs, illness and loss of money. Health issues may result causing one or both partners to lose time from work. Doctors’ bills rising and minimal income, partners may argue over money. Hang a large mirror at the top of the stairs to lift the Ch’i. Visualize the movement of the stairs is stabilized and assets and health coming into balance.

A bed on a door wall  Partners may be plagued by anxiety and migraines. One of them may even develop heart arrhythmia. Move the bed if possible. If not, place a mirror on the opposite wall from the bed to reflect the bedroom door entrance. This will relax the mind and smooth out the Ch’i.

Biting doors at the entrance to the MBR  Doors that are slightly out of alignment with one another may result in conflict between partners. If they are mis-aligned by exactly one half, not only verbal but physical fighting may arise. Over a prolonged period this weakens the heart. Place objects, such a mirror next to both doors. This draws the eyes simultaneously to the adjustment as you exit either door.

Flowers, chocolates, a massage send the right message but what could be better than doing something extra for love Double Your Happiness With Feng Shui Tips For Everlasting Love.

If you feel this information has been of benefit to you, please consider sending nine red envelopes. Please contact me at bette@shenmenfengshui.com for details.

What I have discovered about our homes is that creating a heart healthy space leads to peace and contentment. The bedroom is where it begins. Start with my complimentary pdf: 27 Bedroom Concepts To Maximize Your Health, Happiness and Peace of Mind. Design your space to your best advantage. Subscribe to my blog and special offers. You’ll receive this valuable Feng Shui Guide as a thank you gift.

Feng Shui Safety Checklist For Your Home

Safety might be the last thing you connect to Feng Shui design.

Imagine walking a tight rope. Would you feel anxious, nervous, frightened, think you are going to fall? Very likely. This experience is no different to your brain than a corner that acts like a finger pointing at you, making an accusation. Or a wall that blocks your way and throws you off kilter or a small, dark, confined entry that pounds upon your head. Your body’s first response is to feel nervous, anxious and unsafe. Next your body will bring your attention to the matter by sending a smoke signal to your emotions. If that doesn’t get a response, you’ll find yourself getting sick. What a thread, one scenario can cause.

As a Feng Shui consultant I look for how I can help you understand your unique living arrangement and make your home more suitable for your personal lifestyle, maintain your good health, harmonize your relationships and create overall peace of mind.

When a client calls often they have a crisis on their hands. A daily drama they’ve tolerated for months, maybe years, erupts and no longer do they have the coping skills to deal with it. I tell them the good news is there is a Feng Shui solution. And I want you to know that too.

Here is a little mantra that I share. It is BIG in empowerment and leads to real change: “your home is your second body”. If you are feeling worried, carry vague anxieties around in your head, don’t sleep well at night, suffer from a chronic health issue, lose money and are overlooked for a raise or job you want, it’s not “just life”.

Wouldn’t you love an alternative to “just life”, one that makes you feel secure, stable and balanced? Feng Shui adjustments actively address problem areas in your home, create stability, power up your energy and give you confidence to handle what life delivers.

Is your home Feng Shui safe? If you suspect it’s causing some of your problems or you feel uneasy, here’s a mini checklist to determine if you have imbalances and how they are affecting you. There are more than I can list here but it’s a good way to get started and expand your thinking about safety in your home.

Feng Shui Safety Checklist

Accidents and Bloodshed

  • A door that is nailed shut suggests a hole in your physical body.
  • Seeing the stove through the kitchen door from the front door can cause illness, surgery that involves bloodshed.
  • Shoes left at the front in disarray can cause unexpected events and accidents.
  • Anything in front of the bed, furniture that is too large in the room can cause you to stumble and fall.
  • A bed that faces out of the bedroom door and you face the stove, that position can cause an accident or illness involving serious bleeding.
  • A stove that backs up to a desk causes danger which can involve an accident. 

Arguments with family members

  • Split at the front door: the brain is stimulated unevenly, the two sides begin to lack coordination. You may think more and act less, or the opposite, you may act more and think less. Either situation, an imbalance is created which can create illness along the midline, confusion, and an inability to make decisions. There can be endless arguing, even violence.
  • Too many doors in a hallway: a door represents a mouth. Here is an opportunity for arguments to ensue among you and your partner or you and your child.
  • Biting doors: doors which are slightly out of alignment with one another create a split and this may create a trauma. There may be conflict between parents, or arguments between the parents and children. You may lose your friends. Where you work you may experience internal strife, power plays, and back stabbing. 
  • Arguing doors: doors that bump up against one another when they are opened create conflict and they are especially offensive at the front door. Conflict may spread throughout, affecting everyone who comes into the house even people outside with whom you interact.

Health Issues

  • Bathroom in the middle of the house can drain your life’s resources. Not only poor health may make your family suffer, years on end but into future generations. 
  • Blocking wall at the front door will have you feeling blocked from moving forward in your career. Health wise your shoulders start to round down over your heart and lungs causing back, heart and respiratory difficulties.
  • Stairs that ends too close to a wall or door may inhibit the flow of ch’i both in your home and your body. You and your family may be blocked in some way, physically, emotionally, and perhaps your career.
  • A toilet back to back with a bed can create an unusual, uncommon or undiagnosed illness which can take it’s toll on the resources of a family.

Money Troubles

  • Fireplace in the middle of the house will burn up money, create infamy instead of fame and your career may slow to a trickle. Feeling hopeless, your happiness may be reduced to indecision and doubt, depleting your vitality.
  • Blocking wall at the front door may find you struggling in your career and you may entirely fail. 
  • Contrary door is when a front door opens into a wall rather than the room. You may work hard and not enjoy the results of your labor. Life could become exhausting and filled with disappointment.
  • House below the street: every exit will feel difficult to get up and get out. You may become more and exhausted each day. You can lose time and energy. It greatly affects your ability to begin or follow through on any project.
  • Trapezoid lot that narrows at the back can also bring unfortunate luck over time. The wealth gua is in the far back left corner and if it is diminished in size that will affect incoming flow of money.

Need to see it to understand? Here is a link to Floor Plans Matter, examples of common design details and how they affect occupants’ Ch’i. Perhaps you will recognize your home in one of this. 

One thing I have discovered about our homes is that creating a heart healthy space leads to peace and contentment. The bedroom is where it begins. Start with my complimentary pdf: 27 Bedroom Concepts To Maximize Your Health, Happiness and Peace of Mind. Design your space to your best advantage. Subscribe to my blog and special offers. You’ll receive this valuable Feng Shui Guide as a thank you gift. 

(image credit to Poesia, Roberto Weigand)